I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
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