I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
