we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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