i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
