You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
