The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
