did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
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