it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Sober January is a disaster.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
