Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
