I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
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As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
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Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
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