I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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