I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
