Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
cat food counts as protein by the way
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
