my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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