we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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