we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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