We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
