like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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