covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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