so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
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