this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Of course I have a pirate flag
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
