oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize