She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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