does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
