if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
