Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
