you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
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I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
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World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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