I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
