good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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