Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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