from now on my penis is your penis
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
