...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Well I just put wine in my tea
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
