This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
