just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
