It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
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