i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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