What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
