Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
So vagazzling was a success
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