can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
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