I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Randomize
