Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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