are you so shy because you have an std?
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
