My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
