Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
