just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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