apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
You took a bar mat shot.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Did you pee in the oven last night??
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
