apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
