if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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