your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
