when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Randomize
