My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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