You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
