Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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