I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
My bed smells like the plague
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
