The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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