I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
