I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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