Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
