I CAN MOONWALK!
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
