So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
