I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
