you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
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I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
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MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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