did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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