Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
