So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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