After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
