The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
