Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Just invented taco cereal.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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