This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
