i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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