I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize