By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
