So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
