I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
My dick has a subreddit
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
