it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
